Twelfth Man

Hard to believe it's been a whole month since I last blogged.  I could use the excuse that my fiancee's computer broke down and so we've been sharing mine, and as such I haven't had as much use of it as usual.  But that would be a bit unfair on her.

I could also use the excuse that I have been writing some pieces for my manager's retirement do (I was asked after my office realised I was the only person with any creative side), and so been writing elsewhere.  That, I guess would be more justified.

Either way, it's been awhile.  So by way of an apology I have a short story for you today, if you could call it a story that is.  It's more of a short piece, inspired by the tons of John le Carre that I have been reading lately and the start of the cricket season.  It is called Twelfth Man.

Operationally, he’d gotten the batting order completely wrong.  Starting off with Simpson and Blacklock to make an impression was a huge mistake.  Instead, it was all guns blazing (literally) as if bullets were going out of fashion.  Not in Charlton Heston’s lifetime he thought ruefully, let alone mine.  At least they had seen off one of them, nothing like two big ones over the rope in the first over for that.

Still, it left poor Frazer with amends to make, partnerships to build under fire; not his thing that, poor Frazer.  Didn’t last long.  Should have opened with him, he thought, given him less exposure before the big off.

Then it was Charlie, the kid.  Still called him Charlie rather than Owens as he would with the others.  Funny that.  He guessed he’d taken to the kid, not a thing to do in this job, but he was the sort of kid you took to.  Scruffy hair, ruddy cheeks and more go than a Twenty20 cheerleader.  He did his best, but it called for steadier hands, older hands, hands that had worn themselves through a dozen pairs of gloves and not still breaking in the first.

Rawlins would have done that, were it not for that bit of bad luck.  No-one expects the lunch lady to pull off a thing like that, even if they are a quarter Russian and half Iranian.  Even he hadn’t seen that, let alone Rawlins.  He’d have pulled Charlie through if he could’ve but it was just too much for the kid.

And then it was he himself.  He envisaged coming in at the last to score the winning runs, Captain, ‘keeper, all-rounder to finish things off.   He was never a starter, always found it hard to get up in the morning.  But once he was up, once he was out in the middle, he was more concentrated than the evaporated that never failed to appear with the sticky toffee at tea.

But by then he didn’t have many with him.  Only the back roomers; or the tail as he liked to call them.  O’Connor and Bailey, Ambleside and Davidson, and finally the big giant they called the Blacksmith.  Flaherty his real name, an Irishman by descent only and had seen both sides of the troubles at close quarters.  Plenty of experience, but that meant age in this game too.

And the poor fellows didn’t even have protection; no pads let alone helmets.  And with five and a half ounces coming at you out of the dark at ninety miles per hour, no one gamely calling ‘Play’ let alone a sightscreen, well you’ve got no chance.  No chance at all.

So here he was, last man standing, the team all out and it only being tea on day one; or at least that’s how it could be.  He still had one more trick to play though.  One more roll of the proverbial to cast out.  His twelfth man, tea boy, water carrier.

He would have stuck him in the first eleven, first name on the team sheet, star player but the selectors said no.  Even injury, sickness or return of the plague would not change their minds.  Bad sort, they said, not a team player, chequerboard past.  Perfect he thought for the game of chess that this was.  But still no they said. And they were adamant.

But then it dawned on him.  Who best to have in reserve than him?  If the selectors won’t pick him then even they wouldn’t think of it.  Considered out of favour and consigned to the nets as a warm-up for the rest.  He had still hoped not to have to use him, but use him he must now or else the game was indeed up.  You didn’t come back from being all out at tea.  He picked up the telephone.

Fire in Babylon

More documentary than film, this story of the West Indies cricket team during the 1970’s and 80’s did however get a limited UK release, and is a must see for any real fan of the game of cricket.

Through interviews with the players of the time, including Viv Richards, Michael Holding and Clive Lloyd, and some colourful characters from the Caribbean islands, it tells how the West Indies went from a divided group of Calypso cricketers to the feared attack that went fifteen years without losing a test series.  It intersperses this with footage from games, along with musical interludes.

This highly enjoyable piece of filmmaking really highlighted for me the difficulties that black cricketers were still undergoing only thirty or so years ago.  In some ways you can look at it and be pleased that there is far less obvious racism, although in the light of recent incidents within football, there is still a long way to go.

In cricket terms it was sad to see that some players, officials and watchers at the time couldn’t see beyond the colour of their skin, and when they started to become dominant, to say that it was only due to not playing the game properly.  They seemed to completely overlook the fact that the winning West Indian team had been inspired by the aggression of the Australian fast bowlers.  But then they of course were white, which makes it OK.

It also gives another slant on the idea that sport and politics should not mix.  However this is only really possible in a perfect world and the truth is that sport is just as intertwined with politics as any other aspect of our lives.  For sportsmen to assume that theirs is an isolated little world is very naive, and as difficult as it is, they should be taking a tougher stand with things that they don’t agree with, even if it means that they cannot play their sport.

But it is also marvellous to see the likes of Holding and Garner, Roberts and Marshall in their prime, peppering batsmen, destroying stumps and causing the mayhem that they did.  One of the great aspects of test cricket is to see how a batsman faces up to a genuine fast bowler.  It is tense and exciting and can really get a crowd going.

I would definitely recommend this to someone who likes their cricket, but also to those who are interested in the social aspects of sport.  Eight out of ten.

Weirdos, Royal Weirdos and TMS

Last week I visited Glastonbury for the first time in my life, a town famous for its history, folklore, legend and of course hippies.  No visit is complete without a walk up the Tor, tor being an old word for hill.

At the top of the Tor is a stone tower of the former St Michaels Church, which itself was a replacement for another church which stood here in the middle ages.  As you can see, there is not much left of even the tower now.

It was a beautifully bright day, although bitterly cold with a strong buffeting wind, and you could see a long way.  Apparently you can see three counties from up here.

There is said to be a leyline passing over Glastonbury Tor, running all the way from St Michaels Mount in Cornwall and going on up to Stonehenge, not only this but the contours of nearby hills and countryside are also supposed to represent signs of the zodiac.  If that wasn't enough there is the legend of King Arthur and of Joseph of Arimathea connected to the place.
Not that you see much evidence referring to the legends as you walk through the town; Here instead are plenty of bookshops and cafe's with names referencing faeries, virgins and the green man.  One cafe asked hippies to use the side entrance! Scattered about are also plenty of people offering healing skills and fortune telling, while long beards, wild clothes and wooden staffs are commonplace. A strange, ethereal place indeed.

Changing tack completely, there was a news story out today proving once and for all why Prince Charles should not in any way become King.  I have spoken before about my dislike of the Royal Family, nothing to do with their probable personalities since they are probably somewhat nice people in general, but more because of what they stand for. This news story did nothing more for me than confirm my instincts.
It seems that the Duchy of Cornwall (the Prince's main source of income) has rights to mine for minerals which stretches back over hundreds of years.  However, some sort of law required all such rights to be formally claimed via the land registry in order for such rights to be kept, and this is just what the Duchy have done.  Fine in principle, except for the fact that this land under which the Prince has rights has houses built on it and people living in them.
Despite the fact that the Duchy has claimed that it does not have any intention of using these rights, they will still appear upon the deeds of the properties and in all likelihood will reduce their value.  When the present owners bought their houses, no register search brought up the possibility of such rights.
Now, you may argue that the since the Prince has these rights then it be fair that he registers them, but if the Duchy has no intention of using them, why bother? It doesn't benefit him or anybody else, conversely it hurts the owners of these properties.  In this way Prince Charles has shown that he has absolutely no empathy for the subjects that he will one day rule and in all likelihood sees it as normal to Lord himself over us all.

Once more I change tack completely, this time to something a little nicer, the subject of Test Match Special. Recently I mentioned having bought a book by Jonathan Agnew, called 'Thanks Johnners', and I have just finished reading it.  What a delight it was to read! Wonderful anecdotes about the various characters who have appeared on TMS, along with Aggers former playing days and early broadcasting days, pranks and practical jokes and all.  Along with that unforgetable 'leg over' incident.  I have to say 'Thanks Aggers' for bringing a cricket themed smile to my face so soon after Englands travesties in the middle east.

Quietly

Not much to blog about this week.
Disappointments in the sporting world with Sheffield Weds losing their unbeaten run at home, followed by losing a last minute goal to get only a draw this week.  Then the England cricket team's shambolic batting in Dubai against the Pakistan spinners - they'd do well to get a draw out of that series.
Regarding the wedding, we've been slowly working on the invitations in order to try to get them out by the end of the month.  Realistically there is not much we have to do for a while as it is several months away.
I do have more time off in a week's time however, when hopefully we may be able to get out for another walk, or at least later in the week I will be visiting Somerset and may be able to get walking there, weather permitting. One thing that we do plan is to visit Glastonbury and perhaps get up to the Tor.  If you believe some, it runs along a ley line, and so it will be intriguing to see if there is anything to 'feel'. I'm prepared to keep an open mind.

Excel Test Match Cricket Player

Any regular readers that I ever had, and who might still be with me, will have noticed that I've been much more quiet on this blog in recent months than before.  There are many reasons for this, one of which I will explain to you now.
For the last few months I have been working on a Test Match Cricket Player in Excel, and you can download it here

It uses macro's, random numbers, probability and my own knowledge of the game of cricket and will play a whole test match automatically (with a certain amount of prompting by way of pressing start buttons etc!)

When you download it, you will first get the setup page:

From here you choose your home and away teams from the list of the current top eight Test teams (sorry Zimbabwe and Bangladesh).  You then click on the 'Select' button, and you are taken to the Match screen:

As you can see, the match has reached lunch on day 1.  This is really where everything takes place.  There is ball by ball commentary in the top yellow window, the scoreboard, the temporary scorecard which updates for each wicket that falls, and the bowling figures which update ball by ball.  There are the details of the toss, the weather and the pitch, and various other statistics as well.
To start an innings you click the 'Start Inns' button, and if an innings is already in progress but the macro has stopped for Lunch or Tea etc then you click on the 'Cont Inns' button. When a match is complete and you want to play another, click on the 'New Match' button and it will take you back to the Setup page.
For extra statistics you need to click on the Scorecard screen and you will get this:

The scorecard will update after each innings completes.  The summary section below the scorecard will update as the match progresses with details of wickets fallen, various team, individual and partnership milestones, as well as details of the toss and the result.  All of this information can be printed off at the end of a match or saved as it's own file (if you so wish!)

This player is simply created for fun and my own amusement, to get through those days when there is no Test Match Special to listen to.  However it has taken several months of learning about macro's, trial, error and experimentation to get it to this stage to be shared with the world.  Please enjoy if you would like to.

And yes...I probably am a bit crazy.